Dark Wilson A to Z
by mystic7194
Summary: For the A to Z challenge in the Dark!Wilson community on LiveJournal. Takes place in an AU where House is brain damaged and Wilson 'takes care' of him.


Abuse 

'It's not abuse' Wilson assures himself.

'This is necessary. House needs me to do this for him. He's begging for it really. That's what all the acting out is. He's telling me through his actions what he needs but, doesn't know how to ask for.

'House has been begging for it since I met him.' He realizes. 'I should have given it to him sooner. It would have saved us both a lot of trouble and Amber's life. 'He looks down at the shaking bruise-covered heap that had once been his best friend and thinks 'this is just discipline'.

Before 

Wilson doesn't think about time in day or months or years anymore. Instead he thinks about time in before and after. He thinks about how dull his life was before he met house or how House self-destructive House was after the infraction. He thinks about how truly happy he was before the bus crash and how easily his life shattered after he found out that Amber way dying. He thinks about taking in House after his brain damage. That gave new meaning to his life. He has to admit disciplining House makes him even happier than he had been before.

Cuddy 

Sometimes the dark haired lady visits. House vaguely remembers her. He should be grateful that someone cares enough to visit but, she unnerves him. She doesn't seem to know that House is bad and should be punished. Instead, she's always kind to him. Doesn't she know he doesn't deserve that?

Dad 

Sometime days House doesn't seem to know where he is. These days tend to be generally unpleasant. It's inevitable that House will screw up somehow and then Wilson will have to punish him.

After his punishment he whimpers "I'll do better Dad, I promise" just like a broken little boy.

Effigy 

After Amber's death Wilson was angry at everyone and everything in the universe. But, that got to be too hard to maintain. So, he focused his anger on one person… House. He contained his rage by finding pictures of the man and burning them. When that stopped working he started ripping them to pieces with his bare hands. Then he moved on to sticking the pictures so full of needles that it's impossible to tell who it's a picture of. He moved on to increasingly more violent ways of destroying the photos until one day the pictures weren't enough anymore.

Fear 

House had always been afraid. He remembers a childhood spent hiding under his bed from something that he can't remember. He wanted to cry and scream but, he knew it would only allow it to find him. As an adult he'd still lived in perpetual fear. He'd suppressed it with booze, pills, and hookers. One night after the bus crash, he sits huddled in the corner of his room because he can't fit under the bed anymore. Wilson appears at the doorway, face darkened with rage, and House knows that this is what he's been afraid of his whole life.

Gag 

Wilson doesn't enjoy gagging House but, sometimes it's necessary. House tends to be very vocal when he's being punished, despite Wilson's training. Wilson can't let the neighbors hear. They'd call the cops and House would be taken away. Then House wouldn't have anyone to discipline him. Wilson can't have that.

Hair 

Wilson likes to hold House down by the hair during punishments. Wilson had originally meant to cut House's hair but after he found out what a great handhold it was he decided to keep it long.

House can't take it anymore. He waits until Wilson is asleep and sneaks into the bathroom. He searches the cabinets until he finds Wilson's electric razor.

The next morning Wilson finds House sitting on the bathroom floor surrounded by strands of hair. He's bald except for some patchy spots. House smiles between screams as Wilson punishes him. At least he can't grab his hair.

Illusion 

Everyone sees Wilson as the kind and infinitely patient man with a heart of gold who had to give up his successful practice to take care of his worthless druggie best friend, who'd caused himself brain damage, out of the goodness of his heart. House knows that it's just illusion.

Job 

Sometimes Wilson misses his old job. He misses his cancer kids and the view from his office. He misses walking the hospital's halls. Sometimes he even misses the cafeteria food. Then Wilson thinks about the perks of his new job and realizes that he wouldn't give it up for anything.

Kneel 

One of Wilson's favorite punishments is to make House kneel facing the wall. The idea was to make him think about what he had done. But it rarely worked out that way. His scarred thighs would begin to hurt almost the second his knees hit the ground. After 10 minutes the pain would be all he could think about. After 20 minutes his whole body would be shaking uncontrollably. After 25 minutes he would no longer be able to withhold his groans and gasps of anguish. Then, Wilson would have to punish him again until he learns to keep quiet.

Love 

House learned early in his life that causing him pain is the closest anyone will ever come to loving him. A solid punch to the gut is akin to a comforting hand on his shoulder. A swift kick to his vulnerable body is like a warm embrace. A cold blade biting into his sensitive skin is the closest he will come to feeling a trail of sweet kisses warm his body. Every bruise and scar on his body is a valuable reminder of how much he is really cared for.

He's lucky to have Wilson; Wilson loves him a lot.

Mom 

House's mom drops by for a visit occasionally. Every time she's coming Wilson freaks out and tries to make everything in the house perfect. He removes all signs of his methods of discipline because, while he knows he's doing something good, other people might not understand. He washes the blood from the carpet, hides his teaching tools in the closet, and makes House wear clothes that cover up any bruises. Wilson sighs in relief every time when she leaves without seeming to have noticed anything.

House thinks Wilson is silly. Of course she wouldn't notice anything, she never did before.

Need 

At first, Wilson had been worried about House. He didn't want House to cause himself irreversible damage while chasing whatever idea was trapped inside his head in order to save some unknown bus passenger. Wilson had begged him to stop his dangerous behavior before, he hurt himself. It wasn't worth his life.

Then they'd found out that the unknown bus passenger was Amber and Wilson was begging him to risk his mind, the most important part of him, to save her. Of course House would say yes. Wilson needed him. He would give Wilson anything he needed, at any cost.

Outside 

House was whining. He was tired of being cooped up inside. He kept pulling on Wilson's sleeve in jerky motions and stuttering "Out?" despite Wilson repeatedly telling him no.

Wilson couldn't take it anymore. So, he let House into the backyard and didn't let him back in for two days.

Piano 

Time doesn't mean very much to House anymore. Night, day, noon, midnight all blend together. So, when he's plagued by nightmares at 2 AM, he sees nothing odd with trying to sooth himself with the music of his piano. His hands awkwardly hit random keys at first. Then as he grows more confident, a slow simple version of a song starts to form. He's too involved to hear Wilson approach. He only notices when Wilson flips the piano onto its side and proceeds to punish him with one of the legs. When he regains consciousness the piano is in pieces.

Quell 

House didn't always readily accept Wilson's punishments the way he does now. When Wilson first moved in to take care of House, House fought Wilson tooth and nail. First, House would try to hide. After Wilson inevitably found him, he would struggle and howl like a wild animal. Finally, when House realized there was no way to get away (normally around the fourth smack with the belt) he would go completely still and focus on holding back the tears. It took many nights of sore arms on Wilson's part (and sore bottoms on House's) but, eventually Wilson quelled the rebellion.

Realize 

Sometimes House is unresponsive. His breathing and pulse will be normal but, he'll just stare off into space wearing a small smile. It's like House is somewhere else. Wilson can't get him out of it; he just has to wait. Wilson hates it.

The first thing Wilson will see as House returns to reality is the look of confusion on his face. Then, eyes will dart around the room trying to piece it together. Eventually the pieces will fall into place and he'll realize where he is. As realization hits his eyes will fill with tears and Wilson will smile.

Shatter

House reminds Wilson of a misshapen clay pot, one that came out of the kiln looking a bit funny and only became more misshapen as time when on. It serves its purpose well enough but, no one would voluntarily use it or display it in their home. However, if you take the pot and smash it you can rearrange the pieces into a beautiful mosaic. It would go from an ugly little pot to a stunning piece of art. Wilson hopes to do the same thing with House. He'll shatter him and then rebuild him better than he was before.

Tell 

House is in the hospital, again. It's not really Wilson's fault. He is just overzealous during punishments sometimes. House knows that he deserves what Wilson does but, as Wilson explained to him, other people might not understand. They'd try to take House away from Wilson. So House can never tell.

Ungrateful 

House is supposed to say thank you. Wilson likes that. He usually remembers during dinner because Wilson showed him what it would be like if he didn't have food. Every night he thanks Wilson for letting him stay with him because Wilson also showed him what it would be like to live outside.

Sometimes he forgets to say it during punishment. After every punch or slap he should thank Wilson but, it's hard to remember. So Wilson gives him more so he can learn to appreciate them properly. House thanks him for the lessons. He doesn't want to be ungrateful.

Vicodin 

House's leg feels like it's being stabbed with a red hot knife but, he doesn't tell Wilson. House knows he's not supposed to ask for pills. He can't just have them whenever he wants. That's how he got in trouble before. Vicodin is a privilege, House has to earn it.

Warm 

Wilson is House's only real warmth against a cold world. Others are there sometimes, like Cuddy and Chase, but it's only a temporary flicker, like candles in the darkness. Wilson shines like the sun, so bright and warm. House is grateful for the warmth, even though sometimes it burns him.

Xmas

House was just getting used to his new routine when the holidays turned everything on its head. Wilson's meticulous nap and food schedules were forgotten as they entertained House's former fellows and Cuddy. This paled in comparison to the other change. House was trying to be a good host, just like Wilson taught him, by bringing Thirteen something to drink, when he tripped. The glass shattered. House tensed ready for punishment but, he was surprised to hear Wilson tell him "It's ok House, these things happen." Houses offenses were forgotten. Punishments were replaced with kind words and pats on the shoulder.

House stood at the doorway waving as his last guest left. He turned around to tell Wilson what fun he'd had, when the words died in his throat. Wilson's joyful face had been replaced by a darker one. That's when House learned that Wilson hadn't forgotten a single offense.

Yell 

Wilson was teetering on the edge. House knew he'd had a hard day and was trying so hard to be good for him but, it doesn't work. He was almost done with his dinner when, a sudden tremor is House's arm causes him to knock over his grape juice. House's heart races as he tries to clean it up before the stain sets in the carpet. He looks up and sees Wilson shaking with rage. He stands up and House tenses but, Wilson doesn't hit him. Instead he just yells.  
"Can't you do anything right House?! Can't you manage to eat one meal without fucking up?! I gave up everything, my job, my freedom, my apartment, to move in here and take care of you even after you killed the one person I could have been happy with because, I felt sorry for you and you still try to ruin my life…" House doesn't realize he's backing away until his back hits the wall. His hands cover his ears as he tries to drown out Wilson's hurtful words. Wilson continues his speech, hitting every painful event in his life with pinpoint accuracy. He brings up Tritter and Vougler, Stacy and the infraction, even his mom and dad. Every word tears at old wounds that were barely healed over. He still sitting against the wall crying long after Wilson had left in a huff of disgust. House wishes that Wilson would hit him instead of yelling. The blows would hurt less.

Zero 

Zero seems to be House's number. It's how much money he brings into their household; he just lives off Wilson like a pathetic freeloader. It's the number of people who care for him; really care for him not just pity him, a lot of people do that. It's the number of girlfriends that he hasn't driven away; he's driven so many away that he's almost made it into a science. It's the average number of things he does right on a daily basis; he spends most of his time messing up. It's also exactly how much he is really worth.


End file.
